Wind Chill

So, another weekend, another couple of Traviss and Rachel's excellent Saxons, Vikings and Normans events.  This couple seem on the face of it to be friendly, supportive and genuine people but there is a dark side.  In reality they are peddling wares to hopeless addicts and know just what makes a multiple marathoner tick; brilliant medals, is that why you run?  Have a look at these precious beauties, these chunky, colourful, collectible works of art.  Or is it perhaps the reward of the goody bag at the finish line?  Here we are then; chocolate, biscuits, crisps, beer, cider, go ahead, don't feel guilty, you've earned it!  What's that you say?  You're a teetotal vegan?  No problem, we'll make sure you get a suitably tailored bag of plenty.  What about a fantastic, laid-back atmosphere in which all participants offer support and encouragement?  Comes as standard.  And if that wasn't enough they come up with the SVN club.  A league table of runners based on mileage completed at their events.  In truth the medals and goody bags aren't an incentive for me, I would still run marathons without them being on offer. The atmosphere, although brilliant to experience, isn't what keeps me coming back.  Part of me wants these things to be be really tough and I take a perverse delight in the isolation of the inner battle that I find necessary.  A league table, though, is something I just cannot resist.  They have located my weakness and got their hook well and truly embedded.

On the agenda for this weekend was another couple of marathons consisting of four out-and-backs on each day.  In common with Martello a couple of weeks ago the out sections were into the wind, which meant the return portions were much easier, however, the difference was that it was so much colder.  We stood huddled for the pre-race brief as the vicious, relentless north Kent wind cut through our many layers of clothing, driving chill into the bones.  It was a relief to get under way and as I settled into the run I reckoned that I would be able to keep a reasonable pace for the first three 'laps' and then grit my teeth to hang on for a decent time.  When I ran this course last June I managed to register a 3:59 and I had secret hopes of getting close to that time on both days.  In common with everyone involved I was finding running into the teeth of the wind very tough, the cold draining my resolve.  On the third time out the right side of my face was going numb, I had my hat pulled down and my buff pulled up leaving only my eyes exposed but just couldn't stop feeling ever colder.  Half way to the turn around point in the shadow of Reculver Castle I slowed to a walk as I just couldn't make myself keep going.  I felt like a complete failure. The self-doubt which used to plague me during marathons returned with a vengeance.  I hadn't encountered this for almost a year and it was tough to cope with.

Slowing to a walk just meant that the misery of the cold grew ever more intense and combined with my mental deterioration just moving forward became a battle of will power.  The fact that I was genuinely hoping for a good time increased my feeling of uselessness, every walked step just made a greater mockery of my hopes.  I turned for the last leg on my last legs as Paul came charging in to finish in 3:27 recording a personal best despite the conditions.  The final leg took over 90 minutes and I had to put in a bit of effort to finish under the five hour mark, an hour and three seconds slower than last time I ran the course.  The best that could be said was that at least I did finish!

This was Greg's 100th marathon and celebrations were planned for that evening at a pub next to my hotel.  I fully intended to go along to offer congratulations but I got into such a negative mindset about my running, and more, that going out seemed impossible.  Instead I sat in on my own feeling sorry for myself.  I kept telling myself that it really didn't matter, it was a tough day and I had done well to finish in the circumstances, all of which is true, but I couldn't get away from the feeling of failure.  The prospect of doing it all again the next day was not something I was feeling at all enthusiastic about.

Day two was still cold but the wind speed had dropped.  However even a slightly less cold repeat of yesterday's experience was not in the least bit appealing.  Everyone was in the same boat though, and there was a feeling of camaraderie forged through shared suffering, although the hangover from my evening of doubts did have me feeling a little peripheral to proceedings.  This was entirely down to my own negative internal machinations and tends to be something of a default position for me at such times.  During the first leg I chatted with Melanie who seemed as disappointed with her running as I was with mine, we had both run ultra distances the previous week, her 45 miles trumping me by over 10 miles, and agreed that we were under-estimating how much that had taken out of us.  This was another tough run but luckily my own toughness level was slightly higher and my resolve to beat yesterday's time kept me focused.  As progress was made this became a target of sub 4:50 and in the last mile I decided that I could get a 4:45:xx if I really pushed and somehow I mustered something resembling a sprint over the final section to register 4:45:54.

Whilst it was disappointing to be so much slower than I had hoped, on reflection these were testing weather conditions, I had run four marathons and one muddy, hilly ultra in a sixteen day period and I am still gaining fitness after the tribulations of Autumn.  The mental difficulties were initially due to expectations getting too high too soon but it was good to be tested in such a way and still get the second run completed when it was just about the last thing I wanted to do that morning.  In conclusion I probably gained a fair bit both mentally and physically in getting through the weekend.  I also gained a few places in that SVN league table... 

24th January 2015  Viking Coastal day one  4:59:08  #55
25th January 2015  Viking Coastal day two  4:45:54   #56