I'm only three weeks into a training plan the aim of which is to get me fit enough to beat four hours at the Munich marathon in October, however, I'm already battling against negative voices in my head which are causing me to question my objectives and methods: do I really want to push myself so hard or would it be better to just enjoy running?
Previously I feel that I've been limited in the volume of miles I'm able to get into my legs prior to a target marathon due to one or two minor health issues along with being somewhat injury-prone. This has been down to a tendency to push myself too hard too soon, not allowing any easier recovery phases in training, combined with a lack of flexibility and balance. I've addressed the latter issues through regular yoga sessions in a studio heated to 42°C which is gradually improving core strength and ability to cope with heat in addition to my poor flexibility. I've also had physiotherapy to help with persistent achilles tendinopathy and retrocalcaneal bursitis, and that, along with daily stretching, has got this problem area more under control than it has been. Physically I'm starting from a better point than ever before.
I'm following the Pfitzinger and Douglas 55 miles-per-week plan, in which I have faith, and am enjoying the build up towards the level of mileage which has always been difficult for me to reach in the past. But despite all these positives I've found that three recent runs have affected me to a surprising extent. About ten days ago I attempted a tempo run which was supposed to comprise of a three mile warm-up, four miles at half-marathon pace and then a mile warm-down. It was a very hot evening and even the warm-up miles felt tough. The tempo miles were awful: 8:22, 8:57, 9:08, 9:03, ranging from about 30 to 70 seconds slower than my best half-marathon pace and with no consistency whatsoever. It was probably down to the very hot conditions but I was a bit shocked by how tough it felt. The warm-down mile was painful and I was barely moving by the time I got back home.
Yesterday was parkrun day and having completed a couple recently at very slow recovery pace I thought I'd allow myself a comfortably fast effort rather than another slow session as suggested by the plan. I'm happy to be flexible with the plan as adhering strictly can feel restrictive and remove the fun from what should be an enjoyable hobby. It was great! At no stage did I feel it was tough, I just ran at an nice pace, didn't try to catch anyone or push myself until the final 100 metres and achieved 7:45 pace without really breaking sweat. Unfortunately, though, this started the doubts about marathon training: why was I pushing myself at training for a distance at which I struggle when I'd love to be thrashing around a parkrun every Saturday seeing how close to 20 minutes I could get?
And then today was supposed to be 16 miles with the final ten at marathon pace. The build up miles were fine but after only four of the marathon paced effort I was finished mentally. Building upon my pining for fast parkruns from yesterday, I just kept thinking about how much I enjoy half-marathons. Halves are undoubtedly my favourite distance; far enough to be challenging and yet short enough to allow a full-on effort for the whole race. And yet here I was flogging myself for what? As soon as that negativity began circulating through my mind the session was effectively over. I gave up on keeping marathon pace and resolved to just get to 16 miles. Within a couple of miles that seemed pointless and so I headed home three miles short of my original target. Sub four hours at Munich seems a long way off if I can't even bring myself to finish a 16 mile training run. I know today's aim was achievable physically but I also need my mind to commit to the target if I'm to get anywhere and that seems a bit of a problem at the moment.
The next week of training is a bit unusual in that I have another Enigma double marathon booked in for the weekend, so I will get through that and see where I am mentally. I'm really not sure whether to continue jogging round marathons enjoying the social side, giving up all ideas of achieving certain time goals and concentrating on seeing how quick I can get a shorter distances, or whether to push myself to see where I can get to with the 26.2.
