A brief history of my marathon running prior to the Enigma double:
14th April 2002 London 5:04:57
- Gained a place unexpectedly and had very little preparation - hated it and swore never to run one again. It took ten years to forget the promise to myself. #1 completed
29th April 2012 Milton Keynes- dns
13th May 2012 Halstead 4:08:22
- Hastily booked replacement for MK. On target to beat four hours until mile 22 when my legs and head both gave up - not enjoyable. #2 completed
9th June 2012 South Downs 4:47:10
- My first trail marathon - lovely views but the hills and terrain exhausted me. #3 completed
23rd June 2012 Trail Marathon Wales 5:05:30
- Far tougher than South Downs but I loved it - finished feeling strong and with a smile on my face. #4 completed
21st July 2012 Ilmington 6:04:35
- Self-navigated, informal and fun. #5 completed
12th August 2012 Salisbury 5-4-3-2-1 50k 6:16:18
- My first ultra. Uncomfortable. #6 completed
1st September 2012 Kennet & Avon Canal race (56 miles) 12:26:21
- My first time over 50 miles. Hated it so much I gave up running for good, though later changed my mind, obviously! #7 completed
6th October 2012 Reverse Enigma 4:45:23
- Decided to attempt a sub four hour time. Okay until halfway at which point my energy had gone. Hadn't fully recovered from the 56 mile event. #8 completed
21st October 2012 Abingdon 4:43:32
- Ran out of steam at halfway again. #9 completed
26th October 2012 Woolwich Foot Tunnel 4:25:19
- A quirky race which started beneath the River Thames and resulted in my first negative split. Fastest miles were the last three and it felt great. #10 completed
1st December 2012 Saxon Shore -
dnf
- Over-training had resulted in achilles problems and I shouldn't have started the race, pulled out at halfway as I could barely walk.
8th December 2012 Broadmeadow day one - dns
9th December 2012 Broadmeadow day two - dns
12th December 2012 Enigma Dirty Dozen - dns
23rd December 2012 Portsmouth Coastal - dns
5th January 2013 Winter Enigma day one - dns
6th January 2013 Winter Enigma day two - dns
- I was unable to start any of these due to continuing heel problems, paying the price for failing to rest enough the previous autumn.
29th March 2013 Good Friday Enigma 5:08:53
- First one back after injury, I wasn't fit enough and really struggled. #11 completed
7th April 2013 Paris 4:38:12
- Struggled for the first half and then everything clicked. Official figures show that I overtook more than 5,000 runners in the second half, only missing a negative split by one minute. Encouraging! Passed out on the metro afterwards. #12 completed
21st April 2013 Hamburg 4:28:48
- A steady first 18 miles and then stepped up to nine minute mile pace, negative splitting by 12 minutes. The strongest I'd ever felt finishing a marathon. #13 completed
1st June 2013 Kent Roadrunner 4:18:01
- Another attempt to get under four hours. Started too fast and paid the price, jog/walked the final miles when it became clear I wouldn't achieve the time. #14 completed
22nd June 2013 Trail Marathon Wales 6:11:28
- A return to my favourite event, heavier and less fit than last time it really tested me, a struggle but I finished. #15 completed
29th June 2013 Giant's Head 6:10:19
- Another hilly, hot one which turned out to be close to 28 miles. #16 completed
I'm really not sure what possessed me to enter a marathon and a 30 mile ultra on the same day along with a further marathon the following morning, particularly as I'd never even attempted a double before. Successive weeks, yes, but never successive days. The Enigma Summer Festival throws up further challenges in that all three races comprise laps of the same lake, albeit with a change of direction for the second day. However, sign up for it I did, and last weekend had to face the consequences of my own stupidity.
Marathon number one for the weekend started at 8am in order to allow time for all to complete the run before the ultra set off at 2.30pm. By the time we gathered for the race briefing the sun was already strong and it was clear that this was going to be a very hot day. My initial plan was to think of the day as a whole; one run of 15 laps with a break rather than seven laps followed by a further eight. Consequently I set off at a fairly conservative pace and started counting down the laps from 15, constantly reminding myself that this would be a long, hot trial of endurance.
Passing the finish area every three-and-a-half miles or so allows a regular stop for drinks and nutrition as well as a chance to mentally regroup for the next lap. For the first three full laps everything was fine, I was comfortable in my strategy and pacing, however, by the end of the fourth lap my old enemy self-doubt had started tapping on my shoulder. The downside of passing through the finishing area so regularly is that the idea of getting back out on the trail becomes increasingly unappealing. Only 15 miles into an anticipated 56 for the day and the sun was already scorching away my resolve. The thought of slogging through the heat until sunset was becoming worryingly daunting.
I don't ever run with music, however, in anticipation of the ultra I had borrowed an Ipod thinking that this might take my mind off the suffering of that event. In the circumstances I decided to use the device immediately to see if it would improve my mindset. Running at this point didn't feel right so I accepted that a lap hiked at a decent rate would be fine as I had another 40 miles to endure. One walking lap became two and running seemed impossible. The voice of self-doubt became ever louder. The usual things: 'You're no marathon runner', it taunts, 'why do you continue to embarrass yourself? Everyone can see you don't deserve to be here. Did you really think you could do the ultra too? What an utter fool you are!' At this point the track Daddy's Gone by Glasvegas started to play. I always find this an emotional song and the tears started, I was glad I had the shades on and it was only a few seconds before I had composed myself but it was at that point that I decided not to start the afternoon's event. It was a decision which did not lighten my mood and I trudged on trying to ignore the delight of old self-doubt.
It's worth pointing out that there was nothing but support from all involved in the event and that these negative voices were completely within my own head. One of the challenges of marathon running that intrigues me so much is the extent to which the mind controls the whole thing and my battle with these personal demons which are always lurking. I never know whether I'll overcome them from one race to the next and it's always interesting to look back and pick out the points at which battles are won or lost.
Towards the end of lap six I spotted my partner Mandy sat on a bench pointing a camera at me. Suddenly the weight of my disappointment lifted and I started a sprint to where she was sitting, took a few seconds with her on the bench and then trotted on the 200 metres or so to the finish area. I arrived there chatting with another runner who at that point happened to say hello to the very talented marathon runner Steve Edwards who had, of course, long finished. We had a quick few words with him during the course of which he confirmed that he had found it tough in the heat and how much harder than usual he'd had to work. Now I know endurance running is tough in the heat from my own experience, but to hear someone of that stature state it at that time completely altered my mental state. Freed of the self-doubt and having made a firm decision about an afternoon 'dns' I started my final lap a changed man. I reeled off my two fastest miles of the race with surprising ease and came home in 5:07:43.
Most people I spoke with who were entered for all three of the weekend's events had decided it was too hot for the ultra and were going to sit it out. Others were going to start and see how the first lap went. I found this reassuring and it was with huge respect for those who had just completed the marathon that I watched the start of the ultra. To go back out running that same lap in the afternoon heat showed mental and physical resolve that was beyond my capability at that juncture.
Back at the hotel soaking in the bath I planned my strategy for the following day. I had no idea how a second marathon in two days would affect me but I was expecting the legs to find it tougher than usual for the final third of the race. I felt that thinking in terms of laps left to run had been the wrong idea, it had felt overwhelming and that to break it up into smaller chunks would seem less daunting, accordingly I resolved to go with a run two miles/walk one mile approach and see how far into the 26.2 that got me.
I was pleased with how my legs felt on the Sunday morning and switching shoes from my usual Mizunos to the extra padding of Hokas felt good. My 2:1 run/walk strategy felt fine and I was happy to let the majority of the field disappear ahead during my third mile. This approach felt easy through the first 15 miles, by which time I had started to pass fellow runners fairly regularly. The three mile phases through to 18 miles and then 21 miles, however, started to feel increasingly difficult and I became very aware of the oppressive heat which, if anything, was more intense than the previous day. From that point I jogged and then walked alternate miles and was able to finish comfortably ahead of the previous day's time in 4:53:54.
So there you have it: double and quit. My first double successfully negotiated but slightly marred by the fact that I quit the ultra, failing even to have the mental toughness to start and see how it went. Yes, there was the heat and the fact that I'd never attempted a double before but six impressive and brave individuals overcame the conditions to complete all three events and that took more than I was able to give at that point.
I learned that I am able to get through a double without completely knackering myself and reminded myself that breaking a marathon up into small chunks focuses me more effectively than allowing the enormity of the task to overwhelm any positivity. The most important lesson, however, was that taught by the actions of the six who completed all of the events. I was scared, I think, in the final analysis. Not so much that I might fail, but that I might break myself in some way. Those six ignored all such misgivings and had the guts and tenacity to achieve something for which they have my complete admiration.
6th July 2013 Summer Enigma day one 5:07:43 #17
7th July 2013 Summer Enigma day two 4:53:54 #18
